Well-Being Coaching for Women

Alison Heather Sutton

07713 626673

alison@alisonheathersutton.co.uk

Jump off the emotional treadmill

For this week’s topic I have something to talk to you about that may seem very challenging, especially if you are in the middle of a time in your life that you are not enjoying, and you wish was different- which mid-life transitions tend to be.

Brene Brown refers to these times as mid-life unravelling. I like the term unravelling. It means both to decipher and to untangle, to unknot and to clarify. There is a sense that there is a challenging situation that is being made clearer- to move through and come out the other side.

But often times we feel like we are stuck and are doomed to feel how we are feeling forever, secretly wishing something would happen to change our circumstances so that we didn’t have to take any action, or waiting for someone to come and save us because we don’t know what to do.

Mid-life un-ravelling’s can take many forms. They are generally preceded by the phrase “there has got to be more to life than this”.

It may be that you thought you would be married or have had children by now, or have bought the dream house and settled down. It may be that you have everything on the outside and yet feel empty on the inside or it maybe that the nest is empty, the birds have flown and there are no little mouths to feed any longer giving you hours of free time that you don’t know what to do with.

Whichever of these scenarios it is, you are experiencing an unravelling.

Or to be more precise the story about who you thought you would be or who you think you are, and your resistance to your actual reality is unravelling.

You are actually ok (always have been and always will be)(but I will leave that for another week).

So, what I am about to say may sound rather counter-intuitive.

Learn to love your life exactly as it is first before you can release it.

But Alison, I hear you cry, it was not supposed to be like this! I had hopes and dreams. I had a vision for my life, but it hasn’t turned out as I wanted it to.

I know. Learn to love that.

But Alison, I don’t have any confidence and I don’t know how to fill my time, I feel lost and empty.

I know. Learn to love that.

But Alison, I don’t think this is the life that I want, I don’t think I am with the person I want to be with, I want my freedom back again and I feel trapped.

I know. Learn to love that.

Why?????

For a few reasons-

Firstly, because your thoughts, your habitual ways of thinking, the contents of your mind, your dissatisfactions are creating your life as you see it now and as you experience it, and by being in resistance to it you are giving it more focus and energy, and where thought goes energy flows.

Secondly, you are forming your point of attraction and there will be no shifts and there will be no change for as long as you are downloading the same ways of seeing your life and living in a place of dissatisfaction and lack, saying “I will be happy when…..”.

Thirdly, for as long as you are in resistance to your life and at war with it you don’t have access to seeing something new, creating something new from a point of clear-mindedness or even have access to who you really are so that you can create from there.

Fourthly, any emotional pain you are feeling in relation to your current life and how it is not how you wish it to be, is all information that is useful to you in creating a life that you love.

And lastly, and most important of all, in your capacity as creator of your life, learn to love the “you” that has co-created the current circumstances and all that she has done to please others before herself, all her lack of boundaries, all her misunderstandings.

Learn to love YOU and the manifestation of the life that has resulted.

My invitation to you is to learn to love what is your NOW because in doing so you are learning to love yourself as you are right now. AND learn to feel excited and be in love with what is to come too.

This is the platform for change, AND I understand it is hard to wrap your head around.

Dissatisfaction is great leverage but not if it is a place to get stuck and wallow in. Feel affection for the you that has been creating what you have now for the past however many years, and feel affection for her exactly as she is.

Accept where you are now and then get clear on your choices.

Don’t waste your mental capacity on “what if’s”, use it to vision and feel into the future you desire from a place of loving yourself and listening to your heart.

Let yourself be with any feelings that arise as a result and allow them to come through you to release and try to just feel them without a “story” attached to them,

Every time we get on the emotional treadmill we are running further away from our peace of mind, and it is when we have a peaceful mind that we are able to hear our heart, and become able to make clear decisions for our future.

Stop running for a moment. Rest a while. Gather your thoughts.

Jump off the emotional treadmill and sit in silence.

And then you will access the wisdom to know what to do next and to learn who you really are from a place of love.

Please do get in touch if you would like some pointers on how to get off the treadmill, always happy to help ♥

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