Alison Heather Sutton

Why I'm qualified to help you

Well, I started off in this lifetime as the adopted child of an adopted child, and if ever there was a recipe for insecurity, not feeling good enough and lack of self-worth then that was it.

This manifested massively in my relationships as an anxious attachment style; that constant feeling that I was going to be rejected and abandoned again, so I had to mould myself to be “who they wanted me to be”.
I wasn’t particularly discerning- if someone showed me some interest, then suddenly they became the most interesting person in the room and, boom, my feeling of self-worth was put into their hands.

I gave others the responsibility for my happiness and my focus was always outward on to how they were feeling….if I sensed something was up my first thought was always, “what did I do?” or “have I done something wrong”.

My tactic for survival was to be easy going and low maintenance and to please them, often and always to my own detriment.

Constantly forgiving and allowing so as not to cause conflict. Conflict in fact was far too scary because there was potential for loss- if I say how I really feel then they might stop loving me as I might be seen as too difficult, or challenging…so I became a people pleaser, totally devoid of boundaries.

I could be walked all over, neglected, dis-respected….and I would come back for more. I held on to relationships that had far exceeded their sell by date, that were so unhealthy they reduced me to a shadow of my former self.

I totally lost who I was and any sense of myself.

All I can say, is thank goodness this wasn’t who I was when I started on-line dating.

Because I KNOW that you if are anything like I was, you are likely having a really difficult time and not getting what you want and deserve.

For me it took years and thousands of pounds worth of training to see my value as a person. To believe I was loveable, to see my inherent worth.

I had to look at my patterns, laugh at what I was believing to be true about myself. To take a stand for myself and say, no I am worth more.

To see that if I hand over my feelings of being good enough to anybody outside of me, I am always going to get hurt and let down.

And to see that no matter what happens, I will always be ok. To see worth in just being me, all of me, and that no one else is responsible for securing my insecurity, or even better, that can have any impact on my self-esteem which gives me incredible resilience and bounce back ability.

And it is all of this that I bring to this course, to share with you.