(About Transformational Life Coaching)
Emotional fulfilment is something that for a large part of my life I was chasing. I chased it in relationships. I chased it in Gucci handbags. I chased it in food. I chased it in Sauvignon Banc and Prosecco. I thought if I had this, or did this or looked like that, that would make me happy and my definition of happy then was loved and accepted.
I thought that then they won’t know – because I had a secret. I didn’t want you to know that I wasn’t happy and felt unlovable. I didn’t even really know! I had it all on the outside and was empty on the inside and to admit to anyone that with the lifestyle I had, the big house, successful husband, the children, the two dogs, the convertible, the gardener, the cleaner etc. etc. etc……if you knew I wasn’t happy with all of that, what would you think of me?
How badly would you judge me as an over privileged middle class woman who seemingly had it all- how ungrateful would you think I was?; how spoilt would you think I was?; how much would you be jealous of me and hate me for having what people dream of having and yet I still wasn’t happy and fulfilled. What kind of a fuckwit would that make me in your eyes?
So I pretended to the outside world that I was ok, in fact I even convinced myself, except underneath there was this huge underlying feeling of dissatisfaction and emptiness carried forward in my thinking- which for me is what is on the other side of peace and happiness.
My dissatisfaction led me, or so it seemed, to make choices that were not healthy for me or the other people around me. Choices that looked to me at the time like they were coming from my unhappy heart until the final choice that I made, where I drew my line in the sand, was to walk away from everything I had pretended to be, to set off to find who the authentic me was.
For years I used every coping strategy I could not to feel because I thought the intensity of my painful emotions would swallow me up. I learnt a lot along the way about how to intellectualise away anything that caused me suffering or pain. I learnt how to manipulate my thinking, to re frame my thinking, to numb my feelings, to hide from them and to push down that horrible sick feeling in my stomach and those butterflies in my chest. And yet it never really went away. Despite how convincing my mask was, it was still there underneath my outward appearance of success.
I got really good at holding down balloons under water – unresolved emotions that I hadn’t dealt with, and all those stuffed down feelings would pop back up from time to time to choke me. Years of not feeling good enough, of feeling undesirable, of feeling insecure all came rushing up to the surface and they hurt. And yet on the outside people thought I had everything I could ever want!
But, I was disconnected from my own wisdom, believing in all my inner dialogue, frequently caught up in over thinking, chewing over and over the same things again.
I read and tried out all manner of self-development tools and techniques to numb my feelings, to avoid suffering and feeling bad. To try and help myself to not feel……without realising that in doing so I was giving the stories and the feelings super powers. I was giving them credence and importance by paying attention to them, and even though on one level I totally knew they were all made up and that I was perfectly ok.
And equilibrium would be restored, for a while. Peace of mind was back, I was only feeling my thinking and my capacity to think, none of it was real and had any meaning…..until it did and it hurt so much that it brought me to my knees….and any amount of knowing the above just wasn’t helping.
And then one day I discovered a deeper path and way of seeing. I wondered who the “I” was that was only feeling my thinking and I stopped looking at the after effects of thoughts and feelings and turned my attention inside. I looked to find what was there in the space that all the thoughts and feelings passed through and not at the person that I thought needed personal development. The part of me that didn’t come and go. The part of me behind all the activity of my mind; the part that is aware of an experience but is not the experience.
And suddenly years of being scared of and avoiding my feelings, pretending to be happy and ok, were dealt with in an instant!
All that work for nothing!
Because what I saw there and what I know to be 100% true of you too is that I am and you are so whole, and so complete and so perfect already, without needing to do anything. Even when you feel agitated, as if you are going to be sick, crying uncontrollably and you can’t sleep for the pain, you are still perfect. There is still nothing wrong and your true nature that is peace, happiness, joy and well-being is always there.
I saw that my default position was peace of mind and the only thing that ever got in the way of me seeing and experiencing that was a mistaken belief that a temporary thought created experience could effect that.
I would love to support you to not be afraid to feel. It is the most liberating thing even though it might scare you it really is ok, you really are ok, and I will hold your hand and support you every step of the way.
Transformational life coaching: I want you to know you already have your own answers
I can guide you towards self-empowerment, peace of mind and spiritual fulfillment so you can gracefully move from where you are now to where you want to be without needing any tools or techniques, just by looking in a different direction.
Transformational life coaching: I would love you to realise just how amazing you really are.
I am a fully qualified and insured INLPTA accredited Master Practitioner of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), and a Three Principles based coach (transformational life coach) currently mentored by Mary Schiller, working in Bath and internationally on-line.
And when I am not doing this-
I live in Bath with my lovely husband who is an artist. I love to cook and bake and am a bit of a foodie. I enjoy writing and recently wrote a chapter for a book called ” Thirteen Women, An Anthology” . I wrote for Bath Weekend Magazine for a year as their life coach and am currently writing a book called “Five things to give fewer fu@*s about”. I like observational humour- people like Russell Brand and Tim Minchin. I love the woods, my favourite place to walk and lose myself. Other passions include dancing, music, baking bread, River Cottage, my MX5, being in nature, and fire, I love watching fire. Oh, and I am a Guinness World Record holding Skydiver!
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